{"id":1856,"date":"2020-11-27T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-11-27T06:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hasansever.org\/?p=1856"},"modified":"2020-11-27T07:00:00","modified_gmt":"2020-11-27T06:00:00","slug":"hasan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hasansever.org\/?p=1856","title":{"rendered":"\u00c7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Bir \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k y\u00fckseldi. Sanki her \u015fey bir anl\u0131\u011f\u0131na durdu: R\u00fczgar durdu, dal durdu, yaprak durdu, su durdu.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Her \u015fey s\u0131radan!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

S\u0131radan bir g\u00fcn, s\u0131radan bir g\u00f6k, s\u0131radan bir g\u00fcne\u015f, s\u0131radan bir ayd\u0131nl\u0131k, s\u0131radan bir ev, s\u0131radan bir k\u00f6y.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Birinin \u00f6ld\u00fc\u011f\u00fc nas\u0131l ifade edilir? O ilk kelime kimin a\u011fz\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131kar? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Baz\u0131 anlar\u0131n hat\u0131ras\u0131 olmaz \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc onlar hep ya\u015fan\u0131r. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bir \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k y\u00fckseldi. Sanki her \u015fey bir anl\u0131\u011f\u0131na durdu: R\u00fczgar durdu, dal durdu, yaprak durdu, su durdu. Sonra yine her \u015fey kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 yerden hayata devam etti.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k, Hasan\u2019\u0131n annesinin \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131yd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bir sese ne kadar \u015fey s\u0131\u011far? Bir ses hayat\u0131n ne kadar\u0131n\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131r? Tarifi zordur; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc o sesten her zaman duymay\u0131z; iyi ki de duymay\u0131z. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcn; \u00e7epe\u00e7evre da\u011flar\u0131, o da\u011flar\u0131n ete\u011finde elbisede yama gibi duran tarlalar\u0131, yama\u00e7tan ge\u00e7en yolu, sa\u011fa sola f\u0131rlat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f al\u0131\u00e7 ahlat a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131, toprak damlar\u0131n yerle yeksan duvarlar\u0131n\u0131, orta yerde b\u00fct\u00fcn sevimsizli\u011fiyle boy veren ebeg\u00fcmecini, \u0131s\u0131rgan otunu, y\u0131lan kokusunu, yonca tarlas\u0131n\u0131, bostan serinli\u011fini, dut \u015ferbetini ve ceviz g\u00f6lgesini… Hasan\u2019\u0131n annesinin \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar vard\u0131; fakat Hasan yoktu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHasan \u00f6 m \u015f\u015f\u015f!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Uzak bir \u015fehirdi \u0130stanbul; uzak ve b\u00fcy\u00fck. B\u00fcy\u00fck bir \u015fehirdi \u0130stanbul; b\u00fcy\u00fck ve uzak. Bunlar hep yan yana m\u0131 yaz\u0131l\u0131r? Hasan, uzak ve b\u00fcy\u00fck bir \u015fehirde \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fclm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Tel b\u00f6yle s\u00f6yl\u00fcyordu. Tel, telgraf\u0131n k\u0131sa haliydi; ve o teller hep kara ve k\u0131sa haberler ta\u015f\u0131yorlard\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hasan\u2019\u0131n annesi, Hasan \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fclmeden \u00f6nce kocaman bir kad\u0131nd\u0131. O kadar kocamand\u0131 ki Hasan\u2019\u0131n boyu posu i\u00e7ine s\u0131\u011fard\u0131. Hasan\u2019\u0131n annesi, Hasan \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fcld\u00fckten sonra, ufak tefek kara kuru bir kad\u0131nd\u0131. O kadar ufakt\u0131 ki e\u015farb\u0131n\u0131n ucu yere de\u011ferdi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ac\u0131 de\u011fmi\u015f her v\u00fccut b\u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcr.\nAc\u0131 g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f her y\u00fcz s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcr.<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
Hasan, yirmisinin ortas\u0131nda, orta boy, \u00e7elimsiz ve vas\u0131fs\u0131z bir insand\u0131. Vas\u0131fs\u0131zl\u0131k Hasan\u2019\u0131n de\u011fil \u015fehrin su\u00e7uydu. Hasan k\u00f6yde \u00e7oband\u0131; vasf\u0131 cebinde, k\u00f6pe\u011fi yan\u0131nda, de\u011fne\u011fi elinde bir delikanl\u0131yd\u0131. Bekard\u0131. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
O(,) b\u00fcy\u00fck \u015fehre gitmi\u015fti.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cB\u00fct\u00fcn \u015fehirler b\u00fcy\u00fckt\u00fcr\u201d <\/em>diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fc Hasan. \u201cB\u00fct\u00fcn \u015fehirler \u0131\u015f\u0131kl\u0131d\u0131r.\u201d<\/em> I\u015f\u0131k ve b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fck \u015fehrin tarifiydi; bir de arabalar. \u00c7\u00f6p bidonlar\u0131, posta kutular\u0131, s\u00fct \u015fi\u015feleri; ama\u00a0 ille de d\u00fckkan camekanlar\u0131. Ve kald\u0131r\u0131mlar ve kald\u0131r\u0131mlarda g\u00fczel k\u0131zlar; bir de k\u0131z g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde k\u0131zarmasa<\/span>!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
G\u00f6\u011f\u00fcn \u00e7ok uzak oldu\u011fu bir g\u00fcnd\u00fc. Derinliksiz, upuzak bir uzak. Bulutlar y\u0131rt\u0131k bayrak gibi salk\u0131m sa\u00e7akt\u0131lar. Ne bir tayyare izi ne bir u\u00e7urtma vard\u0131 uzakta. G\u00f6k, \u015fehrin \u00fczerine huni gibi kapat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f deli \u015fapkas\u0131yd\u0131. \u0130nsanlar, delirmi\u015f \u015fehirde, sokak ortas\u0131nda can ta\u015f\u0131yorlard\u0131. Hasan ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 kald\u0131r\u0131p g\u00f6\u011fe bakmad\u0131; \u00f6yle bir al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 yoktu. O, \u00e7o\u011fu insan gibi, boyundan b\u00fcy\u00fck \u015feylere bakmazd\u0131. A\u011fac\u0131n b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc, binan\u0131n y\u00fcksekli\u011fi, kubbenin e\u011frili onu ilgilendirmiyordu. \u015eehri tarif et desen, en fazla boyu kadar ederdi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tarif akl\u0131ndayd\u0131:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cKar\u015f\u0131ya ge\u00e7ince d\u00fcz gideceksin, ne sa\u011fa ne sola. O binan\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnde dolmu\u015fa bin, \u00fcst ge\u00e7ide varmadan in. Yoku\u015f a\u015fa\u011f\u0131, \u00f6n\u00fcnde elektrik dire\u011fi olan bina, alt kat. Numuneleri teslim et, d\u00f6n. Yolda oyalanma, tamam?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hasan o adrese gitmedi; gidemedi. Yanl\u0131\u015f bir yolla, yanl\u0131\u015f bir zamanda, yanl\u0131\u015f bir yere gitti. Ve o yanl\u0131\u015f\u0131n herhangi bir yerinde, herhangi bir zamanda, herhangi birilerince, herhangi bir yere g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcld\u00fc. Hasan\u2019\u0131 ba\u011flad\u0131lar; domuz topu. Hasan\u2019\u0131n can\u0131n\u0131 yakt\u0131lar, sigara s\u00f6n… <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hasan\u2019\u0131 al\u0131p bir arabaya koydular. Arabay\u0131 \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131p \u00fcst mahalleye gittiler. Mahallenin i\u00e7inden h\u0131zla ge\u00e7erken, kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131p Hasan\u2019\u0131 att\u0131lar. Hasan dertop olmu\u015f halde vard\u0131 bir gecekondunun duvar\u0131nda durdu. Duvar y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc \u00e7evirdi, bakamad\u0131; sokak y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc \u00e7evirdi, bakamad\u0131; mahalle y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc \u00e7evirdi, bakamad\u0131; g\u00f6k, utanc\u0131ndan mavisini kapad\u0131 (\u015fehir hi\u00e7bir \u015fey olmam\u0131\u015f gibi Marmara\u2019ya akt\u0131)…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hava, sat\u0131r sat\u0131r karard\u0131.\nS\u0131radan bir karanl\u0131k; \ns\u0131radan bir kara, \ns\u0131radan bir kar, \ns\u0131radan bir, \ns\u0131radan, \ns\u0131ra, \ns\u0131r, \n. <\/pre>\n\n\n\n
Me\u011fer karanl\u0131kta her \u015fey karanl\u0131k olurmu\u015f: karanl\u0131k ve \u2026!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hasan\u2019\u0131 duvar dibinden ald\u0131lar<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Adressiz bir pusula al\u0131r gibi, cam k\u0131r\u0131p i\u00e7eri d\u00fc\u015fen ta\u015fa sar\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ka\u011f\u0131d\u0131 a\u00e7ar gibi… Al\u0131p, idare lambas\u0131nda okudular. Hasan\u2019\u0131n a\u011fz\u0131 kapat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f fakat g\u00f6zleri a\u00e7\u0131k b\u0131rak\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. A\u00e7\u0131k kalm\u0131\u015f g\u00f6zler, kay\u0131tta unutulmu\u015f kamera misali her \u015feyi kaydetmi\u015fti; lakin g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fc okunamad\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan film yanm\u0131\u015f zannedildi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hasan’\u0131 g\u00f6nderdiler.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tabut, vard\u0131 Hasan\u2019\u0131n annesinin y\u00fcre\u011fine kar\u015f\u0131, ocakta k\u00f6z misali durdu. Hasan\u2019\u0131n annesi yand\u0131 yand\u0131 yand\u0131; t\u00fctt\u00fc t\u00fctt\u00fc t\u00fctt\u00fc. T\u00fcten kara duman o kadar karayd\u0131 ki karanl\u0131kta dahi g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcyordu. O karanl\u0131k \u00f6bek \u00f6bek, bo\u011fum bo\u011fum, kucak kucak g\u00f6\u011fe y\u00fckseldi. R\u00fczgar yoktu, hava so\u011fuktu. Anne vard\u0131 bulutun \u00fcst\u00fcne kuruluverdi.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6rmek istedi babas\u0131, g\u00f6stermediler. Kimsenin Hasan\u2019a bakacak y\u00fcz\u00fc yoktu. Topra\u011f\u0131 bol kazd\u0131lar. Hasan\u2019\u0131 so\u011fuk topra\u011f\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne b\u0131rakt\u0131lar. Mezar\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde ate\u015f yakt\u0131lar. Yal\u0131mlar, y\u0131lan dili misali \u00e7atal \u00e7atal bulutlara uzand\u0131. Anne \u0131s\u0131nd\u0131, ya\u011fmur olup ya\u011fmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. Anne a\u011flad\u0131, bulut a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131. Bulut a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131, g\u00fcne\u015f g\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fc.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sonbahar, bir t\u0131rpan gibi ge\u00e7ti k\u00f6y\u00fcn \u00fczerinden. Kara duman s\u00fcz\u00fcm s\u00fcz\u00fcm s\u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc a\u015fa\u011f\u0131ya; var\u0131p e\u015farp oldu Hasan\u2019\u0131n annesinin ba\u015f\u0131na.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hasan Sever<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Z\u00fcrih, 9 \u015eubat 2011<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
Yaz\u0131 g\u00f6rseli: \u00c7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k, Edvard Munch, 1893<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n